I'm a Smart Ass Baby...

Sometimes I kill myself -- so you don't have to kill me for being a smart ass.  Get it?  That song by Beck?

Anyhew... RLF is usually the 'victim' of my sarcasm.  I think I was at the top of my game a couple of days ago.

Monday night while I babysat (she had gone to fetch her husband from work since they're down to one car), RLF started texting me just like a mom:

(6:59 PM to 7:05 PM)
RLF:  Everything going good?
RLF:  I just got here
SS: Yep [my hands were full of baby for heaven's sake]
RLF:  Awesome :)
RLF:  If step daughter gets bratty [the kid is 7 going on 22], let me know.  I warned her before I left
SS:  We're doing her homework :)
RLF:  Wow!  That's great!

I know that's nothing outstanding.  I'm trying to set a mood...  The mood is that she is a little worried that her domestically challenged aunt is in charge of her childrens' well being.  However, she is going to make it seem like it would be the kids' (or her) fault if things go awry.  All I was thinking was, "I can't text and cuddle at the same time.  I'm picking cuddling over texting."

(7:21PM)
RLF:  We're running behind but we're headed back home now.....i am so sorry!!!!
SS:  Okay.  The fire trucks will be here soon.

(7:25PM)
RLF:  Lol!

What's with the rapid fire texting when she has no reason to have anything to worry about?  But a four minute delay when I tell her the house is on fire?  Or is it just that it took her that long to stop the hyperventilating before she realized I was joking?

Tuesday afternoon:

RLF:  Do me a favor?
SS:  Feed Mac'n'Cheese to Aaron Rodgers?  Okay.
SS:  What do you need?
RLF:  Lol, will you look at my employer's website and tell me what u think?  FYI its supposed to be attention grabbing for halloween
SS:  Are there pictures of Aaron and Clay wearing nothing but masks?  Because if there aren't, then it's not catchy.

She only puts up with me so she can have my counted cross stitch cats.

My Subconscious is Broken

Or, at the very least, has let me down.

The other night I had a dream about this man:

This is #12 of the Green Bay Packers.  Aaron Rodgers -- Quarterback, Superbowl XLV MVP, NFL 2011 MVP.  He is what I would define as a 'Cougar Snack' for those of us of a certain age.  And not just because he's handsome.  He's also very smart, articulate, and humble.  On top of it -- he's kind to children and animals.  He's the whole package.

In fact, he's on my 'Freebie List' with Mr. Man.  Mr. Man is in no way threatened by this.  He's smart enough to not say, "Well, you wouldn't have a chance."  He also knows that all I would want to do is make #12 Mac'n'Cheese and just watch how many bowls he could eat.  That's not even a euphemism for something kinky.  It's honest to goodness boiling of pasta and covering it with cheese.  Think about how many calories this guy must expend on the football field!  He must be able to pack it away!

My unconventional view of what I would do should I actually meet my "crush" is also fueled by two important factors: