Famous Spinster Birthday - Oprah Winfrey

"Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."  -- Oprah Winfrey

Born:  January 29, 1954

Today in Queen Bess's Life

In 1547, Elizabeth's father, Henry VIII, died.  And that is when the proverbial shit started hitting the fan, so to speak.  Even though Henry had a male heir that was also a protestant, he was just a child -- and sickly.  Right behind him was her older sister, Mary, who was Roman Catholic and wanted to bring the country back to her mother's religion -- and then there was Elizabeth.

Dude had a lot of things wrong with him when he died -- morbid obesity, pussing ulcerated sores, paranoia ... Definitely not cute.  There was a rumor that he had syphilis, but more modern theories suggest untreated Type 2 Diabetes.  With his lifestyle, it probably could have been either -- or both.

I'll have to admit that part of my motivation for including Henry's death in this series is my morbid fascination with his burial.  Four years earlier, a Franciscan Friar (Peto), condemned the king from the pulpit and compared him to King Ahab in the Bible.  Peto said that dogs would lick up his blood at his death.

Today in Queen Bess's Life

On this day in 1533, King Henry VIII (Elizabeth's father) married his second wife, Anne Boleyn (Elizabeth's mother).

It was a courtship that lasted a little over four years as Henry tried to work out the details of divorcing from his first Queen, Catherine of Aragon.  During that time, Henry did not hold back when writing love letters to his beloved:

"It is absolutely necessary for me to obtain this answer, having been for above a whole year stricken with the dart of love, and not yet sure whether I shall fail of finding a place in your heart and affection..."

On Henry's part at least, it seems that the union was born out of love.  The cynical believe it was solely for the purpose of providing Henry his much wanted (and needed) male heir -- though that was part of the objective -- that his first Queen could not provide.  Others contend that Anne was not in love with him but was the pawn of her greedy, social climbing family that saw her position of Queen as a means to gain social status and the wealth that comes with the favours of a generous King.

Whether or not the marriage was a result of politics, the impact on politics was profound.  Henry was eventually excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church by Pope Paul III.  Not to be deterred, Henry installed himself Supreme Head of the Church of England.

Willing or not, I can't help but believe that Anne had no idea the impact her marriage would have on the world.

Purposely Single?

What used to be, "What is Wrong with Me?"

I have never been a "Dating Machine".  In college, I think I managed three dates.  Not even one date a year.  I attributed this to one reason:  I was fat and ugly.  I believed that because during the first half of my senior year in high school, I was subjected to my ex boyfriend (who had dumped me for my best friend the year before) and his best friend waiting for me at the top of the stairs by my locker to greet me every morning with, "Good morning!  You're especially ugly and fat today."  When they would see me in the halls, they would make comments like, "Fat-ass."

I believed them because I was a bigger girl.  I was a humongous size 9!!!  A size which would make be blissful these days.  But, among the girls in my school, that did make me a cow.  It was the late 80s -- eating disorders were prevalent and access to fast food was extremely limited in our small town.  Low self-esteem was the obvious result.

Over the years, my confidence in myself improved, but the number of dates increased only slightly.  So I couldn't blame it on being fat -- there had to be something wrong with me.  Then RLF came to live with me and we would go out together and I would get upset when she would get hit on at a bar and I would not.  I didn't blame any guys who hit on her because she is quite lovely -- I blamed her for not "toning it down" around her "plain" aunt.

She would get frustrated, "Uhm!  That guy was hitting on you.  You just wouldn't talk with him!"

Gravity is a Bitch

About ten years ago, I was working at a client site where I had to be around three 19 year old girls all day for three days.  I was 31 and it was an interesting three days.  To say the least, their topics of conversation -- hair, makeup, how to get some alcohol in the evenings, and boyfriends -- were not the most stimulating.  There came a point when they started discussing the weight they had gained during their first year of college.

"Oh my Gawd!  I put on, like ten pounds, since I graduated high school!  I had to buy new jeans and everything!"

"I know!  I never believed it when people said it's hard to lose weight when you get older, but it's true!" [she says as she stuffs a Baby Ruth in her mouth]

This is where I decided to participate.  Just like sitting around a campfire telling spooky stories, I dropped my voice to a low murmur to set the mood and wished that I had a flashlight to hold under my chins.  "Do you know what is even worse than those ten pounds that you gained?"  The three of them fell silent and six eyes focused on me as they all shook their heads, pony tails swinging.  I continued, "On the morning of your 30th birthday, you will find that everything on your body is one inch lower than it was the night before!"

Honey Boo Boo Hangover

She's much cuter in a still photo.  I can look at her photo and then go on my way and I'm fine.  It's when I flip through the channels and stop on TLC that I'm in trouble because I will find myself mesmerized for hours.  Just like last night.

I was fairly productive yesterday morning:  took out the garbage and recycling, did the laundry and folded it (didn't put it away, mind you -- no need to go crazy), cleaned the  junk off my kitchen table that landed there from weeks of walking in the door and just dropping it there (no need to have it clean for meals or anything), did hair removal, packed up my Christmas presents for RLF and her family (then realized the post office would be closed today and got annoyed), clipped and organized my coupons, wrote a thank you note to my sister for her Christmas presents to me, actually loaded the dishwasher and turned it on (I didn't unload it until this morning)...  You get the picture, I was doing all those little annoying things that don't take a lot of time but always get put off because they don't take a lot of time so you can do it "anytime".

I'm starting...

Wooohooo!  Because I've been procrastinating and rationalizing not starting my New Year's resolutions, I decided today would be the day that I would start living that healthier, more organized life.  That started with hopping on the scale first thing this morning -- you know, that naked, haven't even had anything to drink yet weigh in.  I decided I needed to do that because I need to have a starting point.

With dread, I got on the scale and ... woah.  I weighed eleven pounds less than I thought I would!

Hot diggity!  That should have inspired me to slip on my sneakers and get over to the apartment complex workout room which was also part of my resolution, but it didn't.  While I stood on my patio having my morning cigarette in the freezing cold, I looked across the lawn to the management office and saw some schlub on the treadmill already and I thought, "Nah, I'm already eleven pounds ahead of the game."

I'll admit my discipline needs some work ...

Being Beautiful is a First World Problem

Today I have three hours scheduled at the salon.  This trip will include, hair cut, coloring, styling, waxing (lip and brows), and a manicure.  All of it except the manicure are a necessity.  The lip wax is definitely overdue. I look okay in the mirror in the bathroom, but then I get in the car and look in the rear view mirror and go, "Eesh."  I do the manicure only because I have so much hair that it takes forever for the color to process, so the manicure is something to do while I wait for that.

After all of these years, I should understand the necessity of the time required for "maintenance."  It only gets longer.  It's one of those things that women's magazines and style shows say, "This is good for you -- spending time on yourself is important."  Bleah.  I would rather lay around in my pjs all morning.  I could lay around in my pjs all morning and make the appointment for the afternoon, but then that would cut into my afternoon nap...

In fact, I feel guilty spending so much time on myself.  I feel like I should be doing something more "productive" even though the beauty maintenance is, technically, productive.  Or rather, more productive than playing a computer game, watching videos and Packers.com, surfing the internet, or watching the avalanche of crap on TLC.

And all of this whining reminds me that being beautiful is a First World Problem:

Dear Taylor Swift...

When this rant began in my head, I was surprised at myself.  I was surprised because my original premise was, "Girl you are bringing all women down!"  That surprised me because my college years happened at the beginning of the very politically correct nineties and I had so much crap pushed on me about what a woman should be that I almost became an anti-feminist.  I believed that the "ideal" was pushing women toward forgetting their femininity and abandoning their individual identities.

In fact, my definition of "equal rights" was best summed up by the Golden Girls character, Blanche Devereaux, "Oh honey!  We don't want to be treated the same as men, we want to be treated better!"

Yet ... I found myself still annoyed.

I Must Be a Goddess....

There is no good story here....

I was sober.

I was wearing flat shoes.

There wasn't any ice.

The pavement was even.

I just must be very special...  Goddess-like, even.

Btw, this is a nasty looking wound, but it doesn't seem so bad in this photo.  How is my scabby knee more photogenic than my face?

Modern Medicine Probably Has a More Effective Treatment

This happened last week -- but it's only been in the past few hours that I've been able to actually research this and find that I was wrong.  I don't like to admit that I am wrong -- especially to Mr. Man because I'm usually wrong when we debate something.  This is one of those times where I was incorrect.  So I thought that, instead of admitting to him that I was wrong, I would admit it on an internets blog that he knows nothing about.  It's like admitting it to the Universe but not having to take responsibility.

I have not been shy about expressing my love for the Packers or the young man pictured at right.  Additionally, their well being contributes to my own well being in that I am less grumpy because they play well, etc.

Sssoooo...  Last Monday night, Mr. Man and I were snuggled on my couch watching the College Football Championship game between Alabama and Notre Dame.  Well, he was watching it.  I was trying not to snooze because, as I told him later, "If no one is running around with a green and gold 'G' on their helmet, I'm not really that interested."

Because I was bored, I did the 'chick' thing which is to talk while the game was in progress.  In my defense, I was talking about football.  The topic was Aaron Rodgers' post game press conference after their game against the Minnesota Vikings the previous Saturday:

Today in the History of Queen Bess's Life

In my humble opinion, Queen Elizabeth I, was the Ultimate Spinster of All Time (USAT).  Her reign brought a small island to the forefront of world politics, saw the rise of one of the greatest authors of all time, and showed the world that a woman could lead a nation to greatness.

2013 marks the 580th anniversary of her birth.  While I started this blog as a way to release my Spinster Stress and, perhaps, entertain, I also wanted to celebrate the Spinster.  No husband and no kids does not mean a life of 'less'.

To celebrate this 580th year of Queen Bess's birth, I will, throughout the year mark important moments of her life and reign.

It seems fitting to start with today as it is the anniversary of Elizabeth's Coronation at Westminster Abbey, London, in 1559 at the tender age 25.

You went THERE?!

Green Bay Packers Cornerback Charles Woodson hangs his head as he walks off the field after a 49ers touchdown late in the 4th quarter during Saturday's NFC Divisional Playoff Game at Candlestick Park.  Photo by Evan Siegle/Press Gazette Media.

Bear with me.  I am still stinging from the routing my Packers took on Saturday.  SWP and I went to a Packers bar and had a jolly good time until the tide turned against us.  Well ... We had a jolly good time until the very end.  SWP reminded me in the morning that there was a 20 something kid and his gorgeous girlfriend who were trying to get me to kiss the young man ... And, perhaps, more.  But that's another story and a fond memory this 40-something will keep from that evening.

SWP and I took a mini-trip to a city 20 miles away.  I got us hotel rooms and we shopped before the game. So, when I awoke to my ringing head and dehydrated body, I was unable to get back to sleep.  While SWP slept, I took the opportunity to go out and find the Sunday paper so I could, at least, coupon to mend my bruised (because I can't say it's broken) heart.  I found the nearest C-Store that was open at that time in the morning.  The headline said, "D-Nied".

Packers 24, 49ers 45

Please refer to yesterday's photo.  That's how I felt last night and that's how this morning's hangover feels.

Just saying.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all that stuff

Bubby  WUVS Santa!

Like the title said ... Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  Do I have a good excuse for not writing for so long?  Not really.  Do I have a good excuse for not keeping one of my resolutions -- which was to start posting again on New Year's Day?  Not really.  Ya know, life happens.  Then, the other day, I found this photo on RLF's Facebook Page and I thought, "There is my excuse.  That's kind of what the last few months have been like."  Of course, I don't think that anyone would want to post a photo of me screaming like that on their Facebook page... When he has hair and fully developed verbal skills, this won't be so cute on him either.

Now, I'm not looking for sympathy because I know that the holiday season can be hectic and emotional for many people.  In fact, I'd wager that it is that way for the majority of the population.  If you work in any kind of retail, you're probably dragging by the time you flop down in front of the tree to open the presents that your loved ones have fought the crowds to find and buy for you.  My best friend works in the insurance industry and it's a month of overtime as it is the time of the year that most insurance policies are up for renewal.