Best Job in the World!

Last Friday I had the pleasure of getting my annual mammogram ... MMM ...  MAMMOGRAM!  MAMMOGRAM!  MAMMOGRAM!  YAY!  That was supposed to be a cheer because they're so much fun.  You know what, they're not that awful either.  They're just a few minutes of discomfort.

I got my first mammogram twenty years ago when I was preparing for breast reduction surgery.  I was a EE cup back then.  I have distinct memories of that mammogram -- so with a B cup now, they're not so bad.  Does that mean I sought them out just for giggles?  Hell no!  In fact, I made a face at my gynecologist last year when she said, "You're 40!  That means you get to start having annual mammograms!"  She was cheerful and stuff about it.  I was like, "Eh."

So this was my second annual.  I had scheduled it at a different clinic than I went to last year because they had the earliest available date.  I was cursing that a bit because the clinic is five miles away and it took twenty minutes to get there with morning traffic that was trying to navigate new snow and people that still don't understand they are supposed to YIELD when traffic is coming from your left in the roundabout.

Dogs and Rats and Sharks -- OH MY!

Dogs because Mr. Man has gotten himself out of the dog house because he spent some time pampering me after I reinjured myself and had to go back on the pain killers.  We also had a talk and cleared up some misunderstandings.

Rats (really big ones) and Sharks because it was my stupidity that caused the reinjury.  When it's snowing and the walk is icy, one shouldn't slip on a pair of clogs with worn soles when going out to the car...  And so it goes:


MM:  I have to go now, but you aren't allowed to go outside tonight.

SS: [pouting]  I'll be fine.

MM:  There's no need for you to go outside.  The refrigerator is stocked and you have an entire case of Diet Coke.

SS:  [sighing]

MM:  [holding up a warning finger] Just to be sure, I'm going to put a whole bunch of rats -- really big rats -- and sharks in the hallway.  That way, if you even try to leave, they will CHOMP you!

SS:  [laughing despite herself]

MM: [opening the door]  Remember, really big rats and sharks! [bending to my ear and growling] CHOMP!

Then a quick peck and he was gone.

He didn't say anything about going out in the morning when I was out of smokes ....

Spinster in the News!

Today in Queen Bess's Life

Portrait of Elizabeth c1560
Artist Unknown

On this day in 1559, Elizabeth responded to Parliament's request that she marry.  It was the first of Parliament's delegations that she marry.  Her response was measured and finely crafted.  In fact, she suggests that it is God that does not want her to marry and that it has nothing to do with her own desires.  That if God wanted her to marry, he would incline her heart toward a man she should marry.  Ever proper, she ends her speech very politely:

"And here I end, and take your coming unto me in good part, and give unto all eftsoons my hearty thanks, more yet for your zeal and good meaning than for your petition."

The speech can be read in its entirety here. 

Spinster's modern spin:

I know that your codpieces are all in a twirl.  What can I say?  God has not yet provided me with a man that can keep up with me.  Seriously, I speak five languages, am an accomplished writer and horsewoman, escaped execution by my own sister, and became the friggin' Queen of England!  Who do you think can possibly live up to that?

Go home and worry about your own shit, I've got things to do.

Peace,
Queen Lizzilicious

Because I cannot find the date of Elizabeth's response to Parliament's second entreaty to marry in 1566, I will include it here as this speech is the one that receives more attention -- likely for the change in tone and the solid tongue lashing that it is unleashed upon the Members.

This makes me happy

I've really been restrained, you know.  I love the Packers so much that I could probably write about them every single day.  I was even reserved and did not write about my sob fest when my favorite player of all time (not Aaron Rodgers) retired on Wednesday in a historic sports moment as fans were allowed to be at his retirement ceremony...  If you're a fan of Dancing With the Stars, you might recognize him.  If you're a fan of Dancing With the Stars who complained that Donald only won because of all the Packers fans ...  Well, there's a reason why we all started voting right at the show's start even though he hadn't even danced yet.  He enjoys wild popularity among Packers fans (and that's saying something) because of his tremendous ability on the field, but more because of things like this:

If you didn't watch Dancing With the Stars, here's a taste of what you missed ...

Yes I picked this one because of the gratuitous nakedness on his part...  If he'd come to my door to give me a hug, I might have asked he remove his shirt ... Then pass out.