EER Rant Chapter 6: Respect the Out of Office Message

I am a huge fan of the Out of Office Message.  When I send an email with an issue which requires a timely (not immediate -- because that's what phone calls are for) response and I receive a message letting me know that the person is out and how long they are going to be out, I can decide how I want to proceed.  If I cannot wait until they are back, I go to another person who might be able to help and I send a note to the original recipient that says, "Hey.  This is taken care of."  That way, they have one less thing on their desk when they return to work.

I know a few people, however, who seem to think the "Out of Office" message is either a dare or an invitation to, "Please fill up my inbox while I am away.  While I am out, I am dreaming of dealing with all of your issues when I return."  I'm not trying to diminish any concerns the senders might have.  It's just that these particular correspondents seem to think, "Ooh.  Everyone else is going to leave her alone.  So, if I fill up her inbox, she will be working on my stuff as soon as she returns."

When I had that surgery back in February, I called one of my clients and told him that I was going to have to cancel an appointment we had because I was going to have emergency surgery and then would be taking time off to recuperate.  The "Out of Office" message I set up said simply that I was out of the office until X date because I didn't feel like telling the world that I had surgery.  That client sent me three emails a day for a week -- even the weekends.

After twenty one emails, he emailed to ask, "Have you been getting my emails?"

Because of the heavy dose of Oxycodone, it took me an hour to craft the following:

Dear Dumbfuck,
I have been getting your emails.  In fact, they are pissing me off because you know I had surgery.  "Recovering" from surgery doesn't mean answering your emails all day.  I can hardly figure out how to send an email because of these splendid drugs which are, by the way, the reason I haven't called you to tell you off.

Because of you, I will need to resume drinking in order to cope after I run out of my oxy.
XOXO
Surly Spinster

Because I follow the rule of not sending off emails when I am in angry, I discarded the message when I was done.  Well... I hit "print" and then discarded the message.  It's hanging on my office door because I just might snail mail it to him one day if I get another job.

Here's the point...  You may think the "Out of Office" message means the person is taking a lovely vacation in a tropical place which means they will be so re-energized when they return that they are going to be able to plow through your requests in record time.  Stop to think before you freak out and load them up.  Maybe they are sick, maybe someone in their family is sick, maybe someone has passed away.  In short, don't be a dick.  Oh, and even if they are on vacay, they are not looking forward to your marathon of missives when they return.

What do you think?  Is it okay to fill up someone's inbox when you know they are gone?  Unless, of course, you hate them.

EER Rant Chapter 5: Do Not Write An Email When You Are Angry Or In a Rush

One of my favorite pieces of wisdom is:

Say it and forget it, write it and regret it.

I heard it on the People's Court one day.  I don't know if the credit should go to Judge Marilyn Milian or if it's from somewhere else.  The case was about the defendant owing the plaintiff money and the defendant claiming that the money was a gift -- like the majority of cases on the show.  The plaintiff, however, had texts from the defendant that said the defendant was going to pay her back.  Done.  Case closed.  The defendant tried to claim that wasn't evidence.  The judge disagreed because the texts came from her phone and the defendant admitted to writing them.  That was when the judge said the above.

What does that mean in the email world?  It means the same thing.  If you do not want anyone else seeing what you have written, do not write it.  If you write something that is nasty, threatening, shows your incompetence or can be construed to do so -- you could live to regret it.

How does this apply to etiquette?  Simply, don't be rude or thoughtless -- be a professional.  I am blown away by what has been coming through my inbox in terms of this very issue.  I've been thinking to myself far too often in the past few weeks, "Did you really want to put that in writing?"  Really?  The answer is likely, "No."  They did it anyhow -- probably because, at the time, they were angry or in a rush.

You have no business writing or responding to emails when you are angry or in a rush.  Well, no one can dictate that you have no business -- it's just a terrible, terrible idea.  When you send on an email that was formulated in an angry moment, a hurried rush, or worst of all an angry hurried rush, the recipient might get hurt feelings, be insulted, or get angry.  You, on the other hand, can come off as incompetent, bitter, and just plain unprofessional.  The worst part?  You have just put a loaded gun in the recipient's hand.  Depending on just how intense the feeling created by your email, they could just hit "Forward" and type in your boss's email address.  It won't go well for you after that.

Last month, I received an email that drove me wild.  It came from a student intern at a client organization I work with.  My main contact and I were trying to resolve an issue.  We copied her on our email thread mostly as a courtesy.  She hopped into the conversation and, in not so many words, told us both we didn't know what we were talking about.  She didn't just suggest, she told us that we were old fashioned and needed to be looking at the situation in a more modern way.  On top of it, she made mention of a conversation that I'd had with another intern.  That conversation wasn't part of the email discussion and the intern hadn't understood the conversation and had admitted as much to me.  At least she was smart enough not to put that in writing.

They very worst part of the email was that all of the intern's comments were about a completely different issue and did not pertain in any way to the conversation in the email.  I happened to be on site when I received the email.  I went to the office of the person who I'd been corresponding with and, when I appeared in his office door with my jaw hanging open, he looked up at me and chuckled, "I know.  I couldn't believe it either."

I went back to my work area and wrote a sizzling response to the young lady.  One that would probably make me cry if I received it.  I then clicked, "Discard" and sat back in my chair.  I felt better and I didn't lower myself to her level.  After that, I had a conversation with her direct supervisor (who she had decided to copy on the email).  He was embarrassed and apologized to me as a business partner.  I accepted that, but suggested this would be a good learning moment for the young lady and she should be required to send an apology email to the both of us.  He squirmed at that because, "She was just upset and tired from finals."

I then asked him if it was okay if I had a conversation with her then, telling her just what was wrong with her email and that, if she were in a different environment in a paid position, it could mean job termination.  He accepted that option -- probably because that meant he wouldn't have to have the confrontation of telling her that she needed to apologize.

Later that day, I sat down with the young lady.  She knew what the conversation was going to be about and had already prepared her excuses about fatigue, stress from finals, not reading clearly enough, etc.  I let her get about ten seconds in when I stopped her and laid out for her that none of that mattered.  She was still required to be a professional.  Her email was insulting on many levels -- most especially the point she made about our lack of understanding of the issue when, combined, myself and the other person have 60 years of experience.  "That's three times longer than you've been alive," I pointed out.

By the end of our conversation, she was apologetic and even thankful because she saw my point.  She shared with me that she had gotten into the habit of writing such emails during this internship and she thought it was okay because no one had said anything to her.  Of course they hadn't -- no one there is as crabby as I am.

Remember you have to work with people.  Think before you put things in writing.

Have you ever received an email that has made your jaw drop?

EER Rant Chapter 4: Read the Emails I Send You

Seriously.  I don't write emails for my health.  The purpose of my email is to convey information that you have requested or that I know you are going to need.  That doesn't mean I never want to talk to you or that I am unwilling to answer any questions about the information within emails that I've sent.  What it means, however, is that, if you aren't going to call me and ask me questions, you will follow the directions I have sent you.

Why?  If you are a client, you have indicated that you want to do business and so it is inferred that you also want to make money.  If you are a coworker, you are working on a project with me that is designed to make money.  When you are doing something that you've never done before, you can't just make up the rules because you will either lose money for yourself, for my company, or both.

Just last week, I received an email from a client that contained the following:

When we sent our items, we did not follow the return process exactly as it was laid out for us in the email...What I was wondering is, would this be a problem that may need to be dealt with?

The answer?  Yes it is a problem that needs to be dealt with.  In fact, it's an extremely big issue now.

I responded immediately with what needed to happen if there was any chance of fixing it and I indicated the level of time sensitivity.

It's been a week since I sent that reply and he's not provided the required information.

I will hear from him in the next few days.  He won't have the information.  He will want me to fix it even though I am no longer able to fix the situation.  I will have to answer the email -- will he read it this time?

At least he didn't use the Urgent flag.

EER Rant Chapter 3: Use Your Address Book

This topic is mostly inspired by a misuse of subject lines, but I thought it deserved its very own post.  This is a rare ettiquette violation because most people are not this lazy... But, because there are a couple of people in my email world who really are this lazy, I thought I'd articulate a bit because I feel like I actually conquered this bad habit.

I have a client who didn't want to add my name to address book because clicking on the option, "Add sender to address book" was too daunting.  Instead, he'd search through his prolific inbox (he doesn't delete anything and is usually in trouble with his email admin) for a previous email from me and then hit "reply" and start a whole new conversation.

Drove me out of my gourd:  I thought the issue was resolved, is it a problem again?

It happened enough that I finally started leaving those messages unopened until he emailed again asking if I'd addressed the issue.  Then I responded with, "Oh.  I didn't even look at the email because I thought it was a closed issue."  After five rounds of that, the dipshit added me to his address book.

I was recently involved in a long email conversation with a friend.  I think there were more than twenty emails in the thread.  Then there was something that she wanted to make sure I didn't pass over in our casual conversation, so she started a different thread with a different subject line.  I was delighted!  A kindred spirit.  That's EXACTLY how email needs to be used.  And you know who you are!

There is one exception to this rule:  Do not put me in your address book if you use Yahoo Mail.  Every single person that I correspond with that uses Yahoo Mail has sent me spam/virus mail.  Every single one.  On a quarterly basis.  I have sent important business emails to the same Yahoo mail users that have ended up in their spam mail despite the fact that I am in their address book.

I know you love yahoo.com because it was one of the firsts and everyone in your world has that email address.  Hard Truth:  They are making money off you even though they gave you a free email.  They may protect you from spam email, but they do not protect the people you correspond with.

Your friends, however, think you need to go to gmail.com.  Just like Facebook and Yahoo, Google is making money off you when you sign up for a free email address.  Difference is that they've never pretended that they aren't making money.  Google is upfront about the fact they want to change the face of the world while making a whole bunch of money.  Just do it.  www.gmail.com.