Why 'Spinster'?

For some, I know this is a derogatory term because it is also commonly known as 'Old Maid'.  This might cause some to even pity the spinster as she is both old and still a maid (allegedly).  Wikipedia has a good article on the history of spinster.  Personally, I don't see a need to belabor definitions and uses of the word because I don't adhere to them.  Or rather, I'm not afraid of those definitions or uses because they don't scare or offend me even though I'm told that they should.

It's not an effort on my part to try to be 'counter culture' or 'rebellious'.  I guess I've just never been smart enough to be frightened by what it would mean to be in my forties and never married.  At different points in my life I have thought about marriage and children.  There have been times that I've wanted one but not the other, neither, or both.  Seems the children one is falling by the wayside and THAT'S OKAY!  I have one friend who has told me on numerous occasions that my life is will never be fulfilled if I don't have children. I have tried to respectfully disagree.  She hasn't let up, so I now very disrespectfully disagree with her.



She's told me that many women have children in their forties.  Good for them.  Last month, I was in charge of holding then 8-month old Bubby on my lap at a diner whilst his mother ran home quick for a booster chair.  She was gone all of ten minutes and I was exhausted trying to keep up with his 'Inspector Gadget' arms that could reach anything while my brain tried to keep up with exactly what he should be allowed to reach.  For the record, the only thing that passed my liberal safety test was a straw wrapper.

Marriage.  Eh.  I'd like to be married -- but I'm happy to have someone I love in my life.  Plus, I'm not legally obligated to allow him to hang his stuff on the walls or in my closet.  That's not to say I'm against the institution, per se.  I just know myself well enough to know that I'm still learning about sharing.  Even though I have a sister, she is more than a decade older than I am.  We never had to share toys, clothes, or even bathroom time because she moved out long before that became a necessity for me.

In short, I'm a spinster because the opportunity (rather, an attractive opportunity) to marry hasn't come along yet.

I decided to embrace my "Spinster Status" rather than run screaming from it.  In fact, when RLF asked me to be her 'Maid of Honor' two years ago, I decided to opt for the title of 'Spinster of Honor' instead.  The first time I said it, her big blue eyes popped with horror.  I'm sure she was worried that I was feeling left out because she was getting married and that had not yet happened in my life.  Not wanting to 'poke the bear', she didn't comment.  I wasn't worried.  There's no good way to say, "You're really really not a dried up old raisin," without making it sound like you're trying to think up excuses -- especially when you're talking to someone you love.  Over time, she would laugh when I used the title.  She never got to the point of being brave enough to use it herself when referring to me.

I've still not answered why I'm using the term here.  Get used to it.  That's the way it's usually going to be around this place.  We're going to take the long way in most cases.

'Spinster' can also evoke a crabby old woman.  You know, the one that hobbles out onto her porch in her slippers and housecoat to shake her fist at the kids in the yard, "Get out of my yard you hooligans!"  There are days I definitely feel like that in regards to the younger generation.  I'm still trying to figure out when that happened.  CBH would tell you it happened when I started to talk.  I was often told that I was like a little old lady even when I was a child.

More than that, I'm using it here because of the first definition of 'spinster' according to MerriamWebster.com:  a woman whose occupation is to spin.  While I won't be spinning actual yarn, I'll spin some yarns for you.

P.S.  The British press referred to Kate Middleton as a 'spinster' before her marriage to William.  I'm not going to argue with that kind of company.