Today I want to talk about "Spinster Name vs. Married Name". Being a spinster does not mean that a woman is without love in her life. I, in fact, do have love in my life. For a number of years, in fact. Why he has not taken my spinsterhood is a whole long complicated story. And, I prefer to take credit for it myself.
I will call my sweetie Mr. Man. I also prefer sweetie to 'boyfriend' or 'significant other' just because I think I'm too old for a boyfriend and, having gone to college in the nineties, I got way overloaded on 'significant other'. Mr. Man is a huge sports fan and he's an athlete. This was actually a little bit of a turn off for me because I generally regard that type as 'knuckle draggers'. Mr. Man, however, has an advanced degree and is very well versed on other topics, so it became palatable.
Over time, his love (he's been a fan since he was a tot) for a particular sports team rubbed off on me and I am now fan-atical about them. I am speaking about The Green Bay Packers. My interest in them grew not for their prowess on the field but because of their story. As I said, I love stories. I also love history. There isn't a sports franchise that has a story as rich or a history as long as The Green Bay Packers. Besides their story and their history, they have Aaron Rodgers and Clay Matthews. I realize that there are plenty of dirty old women (I have some friends) who would like to see one or both of these young men naked. Not me -- I would like to serve them some Mac'n'Cheese (with cut up hot dogs) and juice boxes in return for me being able to look at them.
Hmmm.... Maybe dirty old lady who wants to see them naked is less creepy.
Anyway. I went from football ignorant to well schooled in a short amount of time. Mr. Man won't admit it to me, but I think he secretly surfs the internet to make sure he's aware of all changes to the team, player stats, etc -- just so he can keep up with me. I'm sure it was humiliating the first time he incorrectly named one of the player's positions and I gave him a look of disgust. Between you and me, I do think he thought it was a little hot, too. Last spring, in fact, he happened to call just after I'd read an opinion piece by some buffoon who was saying that the Packers should not re-sign Donald Driver (my favorite player) because he was too old. Between my tears and hyperventilating, he figured out why I was upset and consoled me with, "Yes I know the person who wrote the article is a moron. Remember that. In this world, any moron can write anything and get it published. Yes I agree with you, he's completely wrong."
It just so happens that my real life initials are 'GB'. Another sign that I was fated to love The Green Bay Packers.
If you're wondering where the point is, I told you in the beginning it takes me a while to get there.
Another thing about my name is that my initials (GIB) spell out a word. Now gib isn't such a great word, but my mother had really good intentions. Her very superstitious mother had told her that when a person's initials spell a word, they will live a blessed life. 'Castrated male cat' doesn't have a really great ring to it -- but I have to say that, compared to my sister and my niece, I've had a very smooth road. Thanks mom!
My name is important to preserving my spinsterhood because there are only two ways to no longer be a spinster -- get married or die. I'm pretty sure that I'd like to be married one day, but there is this little bit about name changing. I remember the day that I told Mr. Man about my mother's superstition. He looked at me dreamily, "What does GIS mean?" My nose wrinkled. You see, I'd already investigated this when we started seeing each other. I needed to know if taking on his last name would ruin my lucky streak. I rolled my neck a little and shrugged, "It's not a word, it's an acronym used for General Mills stock on the Dow or 'Geographic Information Systems.'" I don't know if he was a little stung by that or not. Hey dude. I didn't say I wouldn't marry you. I just said that my initials wouldn't be as cool.
Last week we were having some coffee in my kitchen and I was showing him the catalog The Green Bay Packers very thoughtfully sent to me because I order things from their online store. That was so nice of them! I pointed out a particular sweater that had caught my eye. It is so perfect because it combines my initials and my love for my favorite team! He shrugged as he looked at the picture, "I never liked the interlocked 'GB'." Fair enough.
He leaned against the counter and continued to peruse the catalog while I stood on my tippy toes next to him pointing at various other garments that would look adorable on me on Game Day (I now actually watch the games -- sometimes I need a paper bag near by in case I start hyperventilating when they mess up). Then I launched a question at him. The question started with, "So if we ..." Whenever I start a question or statement with those words, his body stiffens slightly. I don't think he's afraid of what is going to come out of my mouth as much as he is bracing himself because he knows it will be kinda sorta related to what we were just talking about and he's going to have to work to make the connection. I mean, he could ask me what the connection is, but that's usually a painful process of a whole long story.
Like the time we were walking through the food court and I saw a sight impaired woman with her service dog and I announced, "So if we won the lottery, I'd like to buy a farm and raise service dogs. Then I'd give the service dogs to people for free." He hadn't seen the dog, so he looked like he'd been hit by a meteor from outer space. "What?" He was then subjected to a long story about how much I love service dogs and how hard it is for me to not run over to them and want to pet them for being such good dogs.
Back to the other day... The question was, "So what if we got married. Would you expect I take your last name?" Poor guy. He was just standing in my kitchen drinking coffee and looking at a catalog. I watched as he slowly licked his lips. His wheels were definitely turning. But he has become sly. He doesn't ask where that came from anymore. He just pretends it's normal conversation, "Well. That would be up to you, wouldn't it?" I nodded, "Yeah. But I wouldn't want your feelings to be hurt if I didn't want to take your name." A slow nod from him as he slowly turned a page and pretended to be engrossed in the selection of bobble heads, "And the reason you wouldn't want to take my name?"
Now this is a little annoying, isn't it? I mean, DUH. We're looking at Green Bay Packers merchandise and my initials are GB. Why would I want to lose that just because I married him? I decided to be gentle and took on a tone of nonchalance, "Well... It is kind of cool that my initials are the same as the city where the Packers are from, isn't it?" This drew his attention and he looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
Hmmm... That might have been a little insensitive on my part. I mean, what guy wants to hear that the woman he loves would prefer to keep her maiden name because of a sports team? No matter how much he loves them too? I tried to make it better, "Well we could hyphenate our last names then I could keep the 'B' and show my love for you." I grinned widely -- positive that would make him feel loved and secure.
He nodded and paused a moment, "You could ... Have you considered what your last two initials would be then?" I looked at him blankly for a moment and then my shoulders drooped, "'BS'." It was his turn to give me a wide smile, "Like I said. It would be up to you."
That made me laugh! My guy and I have had a similar conversation. I had to point out that his last name would result in me having the exact same names (all 3) as his sister. He wilted a bit at that.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good one! Especially if his sister is of the younger bratty variety :) I do have a good friend who struggled with changing her name when she got married because she then had the same name as her husband's sister -- who is the same age and has a criminal record!
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